I am sorry that you are finding things difficult. I am concerned about you.
Also, I am sorry, recently you have signed your emails Yaeko, but before you asked me to call you Yamuna, so now I am not sure what you prefer. Is this part of what you mean by 're-build' yourself?
Please do take care of yourself. If you feel better in a week or so, perhaps we can arrange something for a mini study class when I am in Japan. And it is okay if we don't do it.