I also resented the male priests coming to the convent without any reason. I really didn't like how some nuns spent so much time with them and flirted with them. I thought that it could lead them to wrongdoings that could bring disrepute to the congregation. I complained to the mother, but she kept evading it.
Most of the time, what you saw if you accidentally walked into a room of the nuns was shameful. I haven't seen even a handful of them who were chaste. I just told myself that what comes from flesh has to be flesh.
There was this church hospital at one of the convents when I spent my time there. The hospital was adjacent to the church. I came to know that a doctor at the hospital and a nun had an affair. Once when a patient was brought to the hospital in a critical condition, the doctor was found missing. We, the nuns, frantically searched for him; but he was nowhere to be seen.
Knowing their closeness to each other, I somehow felt that he would be closeted with the nun somewhere. Finally, my search led to a room from which I heard hushed voices. I brought them out of the room and angrily told them that such behaviour wouldn't work.
I didn't know what they were doing in the room, but I am sure it wasn't something good. I told him that a doctor is worthless if he cannot attend to a patient in an emergency.
Many others also advised the nun that she could get out of the robe and marry so that the congregation's name is not sullied. The mother, an Italian named Luccia, was informed too. I told her in Italian that those two had been carrying on for a while and they should be thrown out.
The issue simmered for some time and both the doctor and the nun went back to their old ways. Subsequently, the doctor even threatened to kill me. But, almost everyone seemed to side with them and I felt isolated. I just had to ignore what was happening.
They got married later and the nun left the congregation.
I was really disgusted with the way the convent worked and was really reluctant to continue there. It even affected my taking the communion and my confessions. I felt disgusted the way some uncommitted priests conducted the church rituals. They were plain perfunctory.
There was a practice of assigning daily duty for everyone in the convent. To avoid work that they didn't like, such as farming, some nuns stayed in their rooms. They mostly seemed to feel that they had lost something in life.
40 years of my life as a nun went through such contradictions.
Right from my childhood, I handled the difficulties I faced without letting my family and others know. Therefore, this sense of aloofness was growing in me. In fact, I realise only now that on such situations Mother Mary was giving me the mental strength.